


Phil’s twelve days

by pjpuddle



Category: The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Bad Jokes, Christmas Fluff, M/M, Mild Language, Sappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-08
Updated: 2013-12-08
Packaged: 2018-01-04 00:52:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1075121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pjpuddle/pseuds/pjpuddle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil never knew what the Christmas season and Clint would bring</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phil’s twelve days

**Author's Note:**

> This is not chronological or relating to the twelve days from Christmas, it’s more a random countdown!
> 
> I've been playing with writing with this as I had writers block with my other story (now nearly finished and will be posted soon). It's a bit sappy in places but I hope you like.
> 
> I do not own the Avengers or anything relating to this song, only borrowing.

_On the twelfth day of Christmas,_  
  


_My true love sent to me_  
  


_Twelve trainees with mild hypothermia._

The early December snowfall had been hard and deep and Clint had led the newbies out like a little row of ducklings proclaiming that he was taking them on a training exercise.

 

Now the twelve newbies were laid in beds in two neat rows in medical covered in thermal blankets, all looking a bit sorry for themselves.

 

Phil thought they had to be newbies., anyone who had been around SHIELD for more than a few weeks would know better than to challenge Clint to a snowball fight. He was deadly with any weapon, plus he fought dirty!

 

  _Eleven villains griping_  
  


It had all started innocently enough.

 

“Let go get a real tree” said Clint

 

“I know just the place….real quiet” he’d said

 

So Phil and Clint had headed off early this morning, Clint had been so exited he’d woken Phil up before it was even light.

 

Phil had lost track of where they were heading when he fell asleep on the journey. He’d woken up when Clint brought the car to a halt and announced “We’re here”.

 

Phil couldn’t help but wonder where ‘here’ was, as all he could see was a thick forest of trees shrouded in white.

 

Clint had jumped out of the car and they had set off, with Clint enthusiastically saying “This way Phil”

 

Phil couldn’t see any difference in the trees Clint was heading for compared to any of the other thousands of trees surrounding them, but Clint seemed happy so Phil trudged after him, thinking this must be love!

 

Clint eventually stopped in front of a small fir tree about six feet tall, bushy around the bottom.

 

Clint turned to Phil with a childlike look of glee and said “This is it Phil … Our Tree. Wait here and guard it and I’ll go get the saw.”

 

Phil looking around at the snow covered landscape couldn’t help but wonder what he was meant to be guarding if from… The Tree Fairy? But he didn’t want to upset Clint when he was so obviously enjoying himself that he suppressed a sarcastic reply and said “Right Clint, I’ll watch it”.

 

Phil was beginning to get worried. Clint had been gone for over thirty minutes and it was only a ten minute hike back to the car. Phil wanted to go look for Clint but thought he would be here any minute and he might be upset if he abandoned ‘Our Tree’.

 

A few minutes passed and just as Phil was about to abandon his post Clint appeared carrying the saw.

 

“Sorry Phil, had a little problem with the local wildlife, but all taken care of now. Let’s get Our Tree” said Clint cheerfully.

 

Phil would have liked to ask Clint what had happened, but Clint had slipped his jacket off and he was already swinging the axe and Phil quickly became distracted by those beautiful muscles rippling, as Clint cut the tree down.

 

Therefore Phil was a little surprised when they returned to their car and tied up behind the car were eleven rough looking thugs who all looked seriously pissed and were griping away.

 

“Fucking superheroes”

“Hawkeye”

“What the fuck is he doing out here?”

“Secret base, my ass”

“Bloody Christmas trees”

 

Phil looked at Clint and raised an eyebrow.

 

_Ten junior agent’s a-leaping_

 

Medical thought it was some sort of itching powder which was currently causing the severe reactions of the ten junior agents.

 

Clint never admitted it was anything to do with him, but the same agents and all those following never made the mistake of keeping agent Coulson in work late on the first of December, because they couldn’t agree on a strategy to capture the training flag.

 

After all the evening of first of December was an important night to Clint and Phil… It was the night they always watched The Muppets’ Christmas Carol!

_Nine Robotic reindeer prancing_

  
The mad scientist of the week was obviously in a seasonal mood, as the Avengers call out this time had been to a range of festive  robotic Snowman, Robins, Penguins and of course the Reindeer.

 

Initially the reindeer had been shooting lasers out of their eyes blasting at anything that came into sight.

 

Clint of course had been trying to handle these whilst the rest of the team took on the Robins, Penguins and Snowmen that were terrorising the crowds in Central Park.

 

Clint had apparently seen a tiny button just behind the antlers (it was only a quarter inch across- he really was ‘Hawkeye’) and being curious had fired an arrow at it; instead of just blowing them up with his explosive arrows.

 

The reindeer he had hit, had immediately stopped firing lasers and taken to prancing around the bushes and ponds in the park.

 

Clint had then hit the other eight reindeer and now Phil was left with nine robotic reindeer, playing reindeer games in the middle of Central Park.

 

_Eight preschoolers screaming_

 

“Die Santa die” shouted Clint, as he shot an exploding arrow at the latest villain.

 

Phil understood the reference, the latest villain of the week _was_ a short round guy dressed in red, with rosy cheeks and a long white beard.

 

Unfortunately this shout and the resulting explosion from the arrow were closely followed by the wailing of the eight small children who the Hulk had been shielding, closely followed by eight sobbing voices wailing.

 

“Why have they killed Santa?”

 

Phil knew he was going to have to get very creative to get Fury to sign off on eight family trips to Lapland to see the real and very much alive Santa!

  
 _Seven weeks of reports a-swimming_

 

Clint later swore it wasn’t his fault, but Phil and Shield maintenance knew better.

 

Years of Clint climbing through the vents above Phil’s office had caused a fault with the sprinkler in his room.

 

Clint had decided to spread the festive cheer by decorating his office saying it would throw the juniors when they came in with their reports. He’d been right as there had been a few poorly concealed gasps when the junior agents had opened the door to Clint’s version of Santa’s grotto.

 

Where the hell Clint had got all this stuff, Phil had no idea!

 

Their shocked expressions grew even wider when they placed their reports on his ‘in-tray’ and the motion activated Christmas tree started signing ‘Rockin around the Christmas tree’!

 

Phil had only allowed it all to stay because he really thought the junior agents should cope with the element of surprise much better.

 

Donaldson had pulled his gun on the damn thing!

 

It had absolutely nothing to do with the look of happiness on Clint’s face when he said he had planned a surprise for him.

 

The final straw  for the sprinkler had been Clint hanging a flashing star from it which of course, caused it to go off at the exact moment that Phil had finally finished and signed the last of the seven weeks of reports he had waiting on his desk when he returned from sick leave. Clint had strictly enforced the no work at home rule during his recovery, which had led to several fierce arguments.

 

Agents six floors below swore they heard Phil shout

 

“Clint!!!!” as water cascaded all over Phil’s recently finished reports and all over Phil, as the tree merrily chirped ‘Rockin around the Christmas tree’.

 

_Six drunk avengers_

How was this even possible? Phil despaired.

 

He knew he should have done something the moment Clint had said “Nectar of the gods” to Thor.

 

Phil had returned home and entered their rooms. He was tired, the rush to complete work so they might get Christmas off, barring emergencies of course, caused him to want to come home and curl up with Clint, but despite the time Clint was not snuggled up in their bed so he had come looking for him.

 

So he entered the common room in the Avengers tower to see if he had fallen asleep again watching movies with Thor or Steve.

 

As he had entered the room he blinked and then when nothing changed blinked again, because surely he couldn’t be seeing what he was.

 

No, still there!

 

Clint in what looked suspiciously like a big bird costume was lying drooling, curled up on the top of the bookshelf.

 

Thor was stood, swaying alarmingly, whilst singing ‘Hit me with your rhythm stick’ dressed in what Phil believed to be a reindeer costume complete with red shiny nose.

 

Tony was also passed out in the middle of the floor and again appeared to be wearing a Santa Claus suit complete with padded stomach and fluffy white beard.

 

Bruce and Natasha were…. God!...  No strange suits in sight for them, but Phil never took Banner for such an exhibitionist.

 

Steve was sat on the floor cuddling up to Dum E, patting him and murmuring ‘Good Doggy’ No embarrassing suit for Steve…. in fact no suit at all, or anything else for that matter!

 

Deciding that he was not paid enough to deal with this shit, he thought the best plan of attack was retreat.

 

None of them were in danger (well Banner might be when Natasha remembered this in the morning.. best hope she didn’t then!) so  Phil turned and left the room after all he was tired, but not without taking a few snaps with his phone first.

 

As he left he couldn’t help but smile as he thought how much easier it was going to be handling the Avengers in the future!

 

  _Five mistletoe kisses_

 

Phil was going to kill him when he got him home. Clint had taken to hiding bits of mistletoe around their apartment and had caught Phil a few times which had led to a lot of Christmas cheer for Phil.

 

Clint’s latest attack however had been as he walked into the post mission briefing.

 

Phil straightening his tie took in the response to the rather heated kiss that had ensued.

 

Steve was staring at Phil looking mildly embarrassed.

 

Tony was stood with his phone pointed and chortling about picture rights.

 

Bruce was staring not at Phil or Clint but at Natasha with a dreamy look on his face.

 

Thor was expanding loudly on how their warrior bond got his blood racing (Phil carefully choose to tune out that conversation!) and Fury was looking on with mild amusement.

 

Clint stood unrepentant under the mistletoe looking smug.

 

Phil had to admit it wasn’t all Clint’s fault, Clint had leaped on a building with no arrows left in his quiver on the last mission.

 

Phil’s heart had been in his mouth until Tony had zoomed in and caught the falling figure, so when Clint had tried to sneak a quick peck under the mistletoe Phil had grabbed him … Hill was sat quietly, still fanning herself!

 

  _Four howling kittens_

 

“No Clint!”

 

Clint had climbed down from his perch and Phil had seen him stop and bend down in the alley before he had been distracted by Tony’s post mission antics.

 

Now Clint was stood in front of him with four little kittens who were howling loudly.

 

Oh no! Clint was looking at the little kittens with a soppy expression.

 

Clint turned the soppy look on Phil

 

“Phil… Please….”

 

The four howling kittens were down to one sleeping little ball of fluff, Clint had named Betsy.

 

They had taken the kittens to the vets as soon as they could safely leave the scene and had them checked. The vet had reported that they were slightly starved and very cold. He had prescribed milk suitable for their little stomachs and to keep them warm.

 

He had asked about their mother but Clint had explained that he had looked and hadn’t been able to find her (Phil had thought it best to completely ignore Clint ordering two junior agents to do a systematic search for a cat!).

 

Tinkerbelle (?) was now living with Thor – he had declared that he had to have one of these mighty beasts who had caused “Agent Coulson” to smile in the middle of the street. Phil didn’t know what he was talking about but humouring Thor usually worked best.

 

Nikita was now residing with Natasha who had threatened the team to dare to reveal that she had a pet to anyone not in the room at the time. 

 

No one mentioned the dopey look on Natasha’s face when Nikita had been creeping stealthily around the sofa to leap out on the House Bot cleaning crumbs up under it.

 

Natasha had obviously recognised a fellow soul when she saw it.

 

Hercules was residing with Steve.

 

Steve had looked as besotted as Clint by the little bundles and when Phil had insisted that “No Clint, he could not keep the kittens” and then “Well Clint, you could keep One” (Clint had the most sorrowful expression imaginable if he wanted something and Phil was a real sucker for it) Steve had immediately volunteered to take one of the kittens.

 

Unsurprisingly he chooses the smallest scrawniest of the bunch and laughingly named him “Hercules” cuddling the kitten and telling it would soon be big and strong.

 

 Yes, so now he and Clint were now the proud owners of Betsy.

 

Clint was off with Tony and Steve shopping for all those ‘essentials’ a little kitten needed. It was a good job Tony had been insisting on paying as Clint had been muttering about collars, bowls, beds, toys and the list had gone on and on.

 

Phil, well he was watching the kitten sleep and if his hand strayed to gently stroke the soft fur well that was between him and Betsy.  

 

_Three senior agents fuming_

 

“I’ll kill him” shouted Fury as he slammed the door to Phil’s office open. Phil winced, not having to ask who the ‘him’ was. As Fury entered the office  

 

“Jingle bells

Fury smiles

Villains will all run away

Evil elves will stand no chance

With Fury on the way”

 

Blasted out from the emergency tannoy

 

Oh… Clint had really done it this time!

 

Just then Jasper walked through the door to a chorus of

 

“Jasper the red nosed handler”

 

Minute’s later hill arrived with

 

“Frosty the Snow women”

 

“He’s dead” said Hill

 

“Phil” wailed Jasper

 

“Siberia” said Fury.

 

Phil taking a deep breath cut into the riot going on in his office and politely said

 

“I did warn you it wasn’t a good idea to give the go ahead for Ward trying out Barton’s bow when he wasn’t here, or at all really.”

 

Fury had the grace to look slightly sheepish for a second before he whisked out of the office to the strains of Jingle bells saying “Sort it Phil, or you and Clint will be conducting a long range romance.”

 

  
 _Two weeks of planning_

 

Clint had been in a frenzy for the last two weeks. It was the first year since they had been together that they looked like they would be home for Christmas.

 

Clint had been watching Christmas movies for the preceding few weeks and had announced that they would be having a “Proper Christmas”.

 

His enthusiasm had spread to the other avengers (Tony had been banned from buying everything in) and Clint had been in a whirlwind of planning and shopping, cooking, baking and there had been some very weird banging coming from their room as soon as Phil left it.

 

It was Christmas Eve and they had all eaten a fantastic meal cooked by Bruce and Clint, they had sat and enjoyed each others company whilst four kittens played with the baubles on the tree and Christmas music played quietly in the background. It had been perfect…

 

And to end it all he was curled up around Clint who had collapsed in bed exhausted. Phil knew Clint had lots planned for tomorrow and hopefully he’d get an explanation as to why he wasn’t allowed in Clint’s dressing room.

 

This was the life…

  
 _And an archer in a pine tree._  
  
It was Christmas day and instead of being tucked away in bed  or enjoying all Clint’s efforts to give them a ‘Proper Christmas’,  Coulson was sat in a freezing cold van watching his lover who should be curled up in bed with him sat in a fir tree waiting to take out a target. All of Clint’s planning had been for nothing as they had received an urgent call late last night and had rushed to HQ to be whisked away by Quinjet to Alaska.

 

Coulson saw their target coming down the road and gave Clint the signal to make the shot. It might be the season for goodwill to all men but this particular ‘man’ was ensuring that the goodwill part only applied to him and was making life hell for the people he was responsible for selling.

 

As Clint took the shot he gave the signal for the rest of the team to raid the base and rescue the men, women and children held there.

 

He knew that these people might never be the same again but he knew one family in Seattle who would think that Christmas had truly come if they could reunite their young daughter with them.

 

Yes, thought Phil, Christmas was not as planned. No hot toddy, presents and good food but this was worth missing that if anything was. Making a difference.

 

Clint arrived by his side and proceeded to push his cold hands up the back of the Phil’s coat; Phil resisted the urge to squeal like a girl and listened to the update saying that all the prisoners had been rescued with no casualties on their side or the hostages.

 

Phil turned to Clint and smiled letting him know things had gone well. Clint snuggled into his side and suggested what they could be doing to keep warm whilst they waited for pick up.

 

Phil looked at his smiling face and realised that Clint had given him the most precious of gifts.

 

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me …the love of my life

 

And Phil intended to enjoy every second of every day he was granted it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading if you got this far and a Happy Christmas!


End file.
